Why Christians Should Totally, Definitely Vote for Donald Trump

I’ve repented.

I have crusaded against Trump for over a year now, but with the election in four days, I have seen the light and turned from the error of my ways. I now endorse Donald J. Trump for President.

Why?

Because I had an epiphany about Jesus’ teachings. I finally realized what all of my evangelical leaders like Jerry Falwell, Jr. and James Dobson have been trying to tell me.

The ends justify the means.

Isn’t that simple? The ends, whatever good we’re trying to accomplish, can actually justify the means, the things we have to do to make it happen, however bad. If I want something good to happen, it is perfectly right and just to do bad things to get there. All my misdeeds on the way are covered up and made okay by my attempt to make something good happen.

This is what we Christians are called to do for Trump. Hillary is basically the Devil incarnate, after all, and electing her would obviously obliterate the shining paradise that is our nation today. Therefore we are justified in doing anything that is less bad than the destruction of the whole country to stop her. With the stakes this high, something like voting for Trump is no big deal at all, just what we’ve got to do.

I’ll admit, a vote for Trump is pretty sketchy in and of itself. I mean, he’s made loads of money exploiting and degrading women (and men, really) by owning strip clubs, and he’s made more money exploiting and ruining the poor and/or gullible by running a casino empire, which is a blasphemy inviting of swift divine judgment, to  be sure. He’s a serial adulterer who brags about his sexual immorality, probably even including sexual assault, if not rape. Yeah, he lies over and over again about basically anything and everything, even if half the time he doesn’t actually see a difference between lying and telling his truth. And of course, he supports the kind of sexual lifestyle that leads to rampant abortion even if he’s technically pro-life. He doesn’t know anything about policy, and he’s willing to order the use of war crimes and torture. Certainly he has used racially provocative language and tactics to secure the entire white supremacist vote.

But, however bad all of that would be in any other situation, none of it matters this year. Because the ends justify the means. Hillary Clinton is a demon from hell sent to destroy the United States of America, so it’s irrelevant how completely abominable Trump and all he stands for may be on their own. Compared to an old woman who takes really bad email advice detrimental to national security and plays politics in a self-serving way just like anyone else who’s spent decades in Washington, Trump is almost a saint. But even if he’s not, that doesn’t matter, because the ends justify the means. We can do anything, no matter how bad or compromising, if our goal is to stop Crooked Hillary from getting into the White House for a few years.

The Christian way, then, is pretty simple. We are called to make whatever compromises we have to in order to keep the Democrats, especially Killary, out of the White House. If we have to make a deal with the Devil (oh, wait, the Devil’s Hillary, I forgot), so be it. Jesus is our example here. If He were offered a chance at political power, but He had to bow to a wicked ruler first, He would do it for the greater good.

After all, what good is it if you lose the Presidency but gain your souls?

Why Christians Should Totally, Definitely Vote for Donald Trump

So what do you think?